I feel as if the Sword of Damocles is Hanging Over My Head
Written 5/13/2024.
If you recall the tale from Cicero, Damocles thought how wonderful life was for King Dionysius II. Dionysius asked whether Damocles would like to taste it himself.
He assented.
He sat on a golden couch and had a host of servants who waited on him. He had everything he wanted and was delighted until he looked up to see a sword dangling over his head by a single horsehair.
This was to illustrate how precarious a person’s position was when in the seat of power.
More recently, it was used to illustrate the feeling of looming danger.
Yea, that’s how I felt the whole day.
Remember that when you change your life, normal won’t apply anymore.
This includes feelings.
I feel very uncomfortable in most aspects of my life at the moment, as if I’m just waiting for all the shit to hit the fan and spray over everything that I’m creating. Not just in my new passion project, but also in my regular business.
I fantasize about going back to the old normal, where I could just not feel new feelings. Then I pull up my big boy pants and know that I’m the one who asked for this and ultimately everything will resonate so much better.
I also listened to a clip from David Goggins regarding what he tells himself when he’s in a bad place, maybe mile 80 out of a 100-mile run with his body broken and pain is permeating his whole body.
His response was “I tell myself, What If”
What if I finish this 100 miles?
What if I complete writing this book?
What if I succeed where 99 other people have failed?
What if?
I like it.
What if I succeed in setting up this project/business and make money?
What if I expand my existing business greater than where it is today?
What if I finish my book and get it published in the next couple months?
What if?
That’s pretty powerful stuff.
I guess I’ll stay with the uncertainty.
I’ll stay with feeling out of sorts.
I’ll stay with working extra hours.
I’ll stay with letting other aspects of my life go.
I don’t have a choice.
And that’s good.